Does My Therapist See a Therapist?
Does my therapist see a therapist?
I have been asked this question from multiple angles.
“How can someone who's got their own issues help me with my issues?”
“If my therapist is in therapy, I'd rather not know about it”.
Or …
“How can someone who has never been through what I have possibly help me?”
“I don't need a therapist who can rattle off a textbook. I need someone who's been there themselves and really gets it”.
I will provide you with two answers to this question: the short answer and the long answer.
The Short Answer
Yes. Your therapist, like most therapists, likely either currently sees a therapist or has seen one in the past. Many therapists are motivated to enter the profession by their own lived experience. In fact, for some treatment modalities, undergoing therapy is an integral part of a therapist’s training.
The Long Answer
If you are wondering whether your therapist sees a therapist, you likely want to know two things: 1. Is my therapist competent? 2. Can my therapist relate to me?
Let’s take a deeper look at how a therapist’s personal therapy might influence each of these areas.
1. Is my therapist competent?
Many clients enter therapy with the goal of feeling good (or at the very least better, if good is unattainable)—whatever that means to the particular individual. The therapist, then, is the expert on feeling good, drawing from various methods and techniques grounded in a theoretical understanding of the human mind. You might then expect a therapist to feel extra good in much the same way you'd expect a sports coach to be extra athletic or a university professor to be extra intelligent.
The reality, however, is more complex.
Therapists are not necessarily experts on happiness. They are experts on suffering—where it originates, how it impacts us, the ways in which we try to avoid it. Most importantly, therapists are trained to hold space for suffering.
A therapist will allow you to cry with grief, rage with anger, and shake with fear. In this sense, therapy is not just about sharing or transmitting knowledge from one person to another. It's about engaging in an experience together.
The therapist is not a detached observer but an essential part of the process. Attending their own therapy increases a therapist’s capacity to experience and understand emotions so they can share a very human connection with their clients. Research shows that the therapeutic relationship, more than any other factor, is the key to successful therapy.
Another important concept related to the question of therapist competence is transference and countertransference.
Transference refers to the emotions and expectations clients bring from outside relationships into therapy. For example, a client who has been neglected may believe their therapist doesn't care about them. A client who is combatant in relationships may begin to argue or compete with their therapist. A client who struggles with boundaries may override their own needs in therapy in favor of the therapist’s directives.
Countertransference occurs when a therapist's own experiences and emotions influence their perception of the client. As in any relationship, clients can trigger all kinds of reactions in a therapist—anger, grief, judgment, self-doubt. In order to remain effective in these instances, a therapist must be able to own and work through their own emotions. Attending their own therapy can help a therapist differentiate between reactions that reflect their personal lives versus those that reflect their client's needs.
2. Can my therapist relate to me?
When you share your deeply held feelings and beliefs, you want to know whether the listener really gets it. You might then assume that you need a therapist who shares key aspects of your own life experience.
In some instances it is, in fact, beneficial to have a therapist who understands your struggles firsthand, having been through similar situations themselves. For example, in a program I designed for clients recovering from binge eating disorder, I share my own lived experience recovering from this condition. Clients who binge eat often feel deeply helpless and ashamed. Sharing my recovery story helps normalize their experiences and provides hope for their recovery.
Related: The Link Between Food Addiction and Body Image
However, shared personal experiences are not always necessary or helpful in the therapeutic relationship. In some instances, it can actually impede therapy by coloring the therapist's perspective, overshadowing the client's needs, or filling time that would be better focused on the client’s emotions and internal reality.
I work with many clients who have vastly different life experiences from mine, including those much older with decades more experience. Despite not sharing their specific backgrounds, I connect with their universal human emotions—desire for acceptance, questions about life's meaning, relationship challenges, and self-esteem issues. These are common challenges that transcend individual circumstances.
There's a related debate in the therapy world about self-disclosure—how much of a therapist's personal life should be shared with clients. In my practice, while I believe in authenticity and the therapeutic relationship, I prioritize creating a space where clients can explore their own experiences fully. I focus on guiding clients through emotional processes rather than imparting personal advice or stories.
How Does the Therapist-in-Therapy Phenomenon Impact You?
To return to our original question, “Does my therapist see a therapist?”
Likely, yes.
Does this affect their competence? Does it mean they can relate to me?
Potentially. Attending therapy can help a therapist understand and work through their own reactions to clients. Shared experience between therapist and client can enhance the therapeutic relationship, but also complicate it.
The therapist-in-therapy phenomenon essentially tells us only one thing: Your therapist, like you, is a flawed person in perpetual recovery from the challenges of being human. As much as therapy is about learning skills and processing emotions, it is equally about a meeting between two people. And in this meeting, this shared humanity, healing takes place.
Asking for help is a sign of strength.
If you’re interested in learning more about psychotherapy services for you or someone you love, please contact us by submitting this form, or by phone at 847-729-3034. We’ll be happy to answer any questions you might have.
