Why Do You Procrastinate? (and How to Manage It)
Do you view procrastination as an enemy? Something to push past, eradicate, fight, and ultimately conquer?
Early on, the people in our lives teach us to be disciplined and conscientious. We are taught that being smart and successful are associated with working hard. Procrastinating is painted as the antithesis of working hard. Thus, it often feels like if we procrastinate, we are neither successful nor smart but something else — disappointing, shameful, or even lazy.
Ironically, the shame associated with procrastination makes it even harder to accomplish the task at hand. We procrastinate, we feel badly about ourselves, and find it seemingly impossible to get anything done right because we are so saturated with fear and shame. With each passing moment, the cycle of shame and procrastination keeps spinning, making it more and more difficult to take the first small step. We judge ourselves for procrastinating, and the problem worsens. We barely finish the task right before the deadline — or we fall behind.
If this dynamic is part of your story, know that you are not alone. In a world of infinite scrolling, ever-increasing productivity demands, and impossible standards, most of us find ourselves anxious and distracted, burdened by pressure to perform and fearful of failure, perpetuating the cycle of procrastination. But there is another way. We can learn from our tendencies to procrastinate by looking courageously at the emotions procrastination drives us to avoid, and move forward with integrity and strength.
Learning from Procrastination
It does not have to be this way. What if you were to approach procrastination with curiosity and openness rather than more judgment and shame? Without judging it or trying to make it go away, you can examine why you procrastinate.
The first step is to slow down and make space to listen to the parts of you that are running away from the work. You might try taking a few breaths and writing your thoughts in a journal to help you connect with your own inner voice.
Ask it what it’s afraid of. Is it nervous about not doing the job perfectly? Is the work just plain unpleasant? Does it remind you of a time when someone criticized you? Or, are you distracted by your environment — surrounded by people or things that pull your attention away from your task?
Acknowledge the resistance to doing your work and honor the reasons why it feels so difficult. In doing so, you begin to cultivate self-compassion that will, over time, override the tendency to criticize yourself. By developing this habit, you can gradually interrupt the cycle of shame and procrastination. The more you approach your habits with curiosity rather than aggression, the more you can befriend yourself and experience less frustration and anxiety.
This process of compassionately examining your procrastination might reduce it sufficiently so that you can get resume or begin whatever task you’ve been putting off.
If not, perhaps there is something that you need in order to feel ready to do the work ahead. Ask yourself, what do I need? Have you been neglecting to care for yourself? Does your body need nourishment, play, interaction, space? Do you just need a break? The resistance to working might indicate that you are tired, lonely, bored, or burnt out. Honor the information you learn about how you are feeling and do what you can to meet your unfulfilled needs.
Procrastination is not purely problematic. Rather, procrastination is often a messenger communicating your needs and values. When you approach procrastination with anger and resentment, you ignore the essential information procrastination is trying to convey. When you approach it with curiosity, you listen to your mind and body alerting you that you need something, whether that be to simply express the way you feel or to care for yourself.
Practical Strategies to Move Beyond Procrastination
Once you have gained an understanding about the messages your procrastination is telling you and responded to the best of your ability, it’s time for action. It is much easier to do so once you are aware of the emotions the task is activating and your physical and emotional needs are met, but it can still be hard to get your task started — and finished.
Here are some actionable tips for beginning, resuming, and completing something you have been procrastinating:
Prepare your environment. Think about where you want to do this task. Make sure the area is secluded from any people that might interrupt you while you are working on it. Be intentional about which — if any — electronic devices you will choose to have in your space. Put them on ‘do not disturb’ mode to minimize distractions!
Get comfy. Find a supportive seat so your body is at ease. Grab any nourishment you might need to stay full and hydrated.
Divide your task into manageable chunks. When a project is too big and overwhelming, starting can be very intimidating. Make the first step figuring out a game plan for accomplishing the task, dividing it into smaller chunks and listing them to track your progress. No task is too small to be checked off upon completion — and there is no better motivation than checking off those boxes!
Set a timer. Settle into your workspace and dedicate 15-45 minutes of uninterrupted work until the timer goes off. This way, you do not need to decide whether you are working or doing something else. This helps decrease your inner monologue about whether or not to work and gives you a break to look forward to.
Give yourself permission to be imperfect. So often, we do not get started because we are afraid of doing things imperfectly. Let go of this pressure. Allow yourself to do things imperfectly and remember you can look over them after and change what you need to.
Celebrate your victories. When you have finished something, take a moment to pause and become aware of what that feels like. Memorize this feeling, so you can use it as motivation to keep going next time you find yourself procrastinating.
If this process seems challenging, you are right — it is! It is just as (if not more) challenging, however, to be stuck in loops of procrastination and shame or to feel behind and out of control.
It requires commitment and intention to establish new habits — which can be difficult at first — but it is a productive challenge that benefits all parts of your life. When you work with your procrastination instead of against it, you no longer strengthen tendencies that hold you back. Instead, you develop habits that will increase your self-esteem and productivity.
The good news is that you do not have to do this work alone. The right therapist can help you see your patterns more clearly and recognize the emotions and beliefs that are keeping you stuck. In therapy, we can explore what underlies your procrastination together and find coping strategies that are customized for you and your lifestyle.
Imagine showing up in your life with energy and enthusiasm rather than shame and procrastination. Reach out to learn more about how therapy can support you as you cultivate more self-compassion and evolve beyond procrastination.
Asking for help is a sign of strength.
If you’re interested in learning more about individual psychotherapy, adolescent psychotherapy, psychoanalysis or parenting support, please contact us by submitting this form, or by phone at 847-729-3034. We’ll be happy to answer any questions you might have.
